Since I've sacrificed everything for what I believe, I'm ready to die for that belief, but a young Indian woman [Cwahacoy] and her teenage sister don't want me killed, so my life is spared if they take me home. I happily accompany them to their apartment. As I walk toward the apartment complex with my arm around the older girl, I experience a twinge of cynicism as if this was a little too easy and now that I've sacrificed everything, I still have nothing to live for, but I stop that thought and instead I kiss my beautiful new girlfriend. Little sister rolls her eyes and says, "Here we go."
I insert my DOOR KEY at the SAME MOMENT that she insert hers [merging] and we walk into my new home. I am happy and grateful. I have a ROCK to mark this moment, a fist-sized GRAY ROCK FULL OF SPARKLES [ the Nowhere] so I place it right above the top step at the TOP OF THE STAIRWAY [ the Urumara]. [And wake up with my alarm clock going on and on for who knows how long, the sound covered by a steady rain.]
[ Meditation five minutes. Back to sleep, will practice WILD, will remain still until I enter paralysis, then feel myself sliding across the bed as the vortex sucks me out via my feet through the Urumara. Once in the Unworld, I will rub/clap/shake hands, then repeat my mantra, "I love this place," then whirl to the Urumara which I will experience from all sides as I regain all relevant memories of childhood learnings re: the art of going to sleep with infinite slowness. When I wake up I will remember and record all. Apple juice and B6. Remember to view the body as a thing external to the self to induce a mindset of dissociation during WILD practice.]
Edwin takes me to meet a SCIENTIST or else I reconstruct the pseudo-memory of that having happened later on. I am shocked to find that Edwin's English is almost perfect, he keeps talking and I feel silly for not spending more time with him before this. I'm playing with a piece of stretchy plastic (PINK), WONDERING while he talks whether there's any reason why the plastic looks like a penis, and so I BECOME SELF-CONSCIOUS and stop playing with it.
Later, I try to write Edwin a thank-you email and how about sending one to the scientist too, since I have his email address in a cc. But I don't know what to say.
At home [the Commune/Manggahan] in the common kitchen/cafeteria, the chocolates I bought Edwin and left out for everybody are being ignored, so I start loading them into a baggie for my own use, and why did I not notice this huge bag of raisins? I just bought another bag today [this is a warning about sugar addiction, about my making sure I never run out of sweet food]. Now it's MJ, this shouldn't be left out in the open, what if my dad sees it? I'm scraping it up off a big piece of cardboard [the Nowhere], but this is all scraps and stemmy fibers, I might as well throw it away.
And what about the dirty old chicken leg, how old is it? Give it to the dog Charmello... here now, you're not Charmello, just a filthy diseased puppy, take it outside, happy puppy, oops, there's Charmello... they fight over it, I'm glad the puppy got his share. He's headed back in, so I close the tall, massive doors [the Urumara]. Back to what I was doing, I bend down to clean up something else... yikes! it's a snake, GREEN half-grown, I try to shout "SNAKE" and can't. I have a small 2' x 2-1/2' sheet of plywood or cabinet door in my hand and the snake is trying to escape, it's now 2-1/2' long and 2 inches fat, GREEN. I plan to pinch the snake under the edge of the board, but I can't. I'm LUCID, then I'm awake. [It's still raining, pouring down hard. Recalled that in one of my WILD sessions today I half-experienced momentarily trying to do something and it wasn't possible because I COULDN'T MOVE. This was fleeting and the state of mind was barely conscious. This is progress, starting to notice sleep paralysis (REM atonia). In this latest WILD practice session, I kept waking up over and over with that trick swallow which has replaced the gagging and panicked breathing that used to wake me from little sleeps. This is progress. I am compulsively hovering near sleep and repeatedly waking myself up, so WILD sessions are tiresome and I roll over to sleep.]
[Back to bed with mask, main bed.]
[Woke up and decided no school today for T., too much rain.]
"Honey..." says my wife's voice, waking me up.
"Huh? Don't wake me up, why you wanna wake me up. Don't wake me up. You wanna go to the hospital? You sick or something? Huh? Honey!" I removed my mask... she's not there.
[After 11 hours of sleep, I am finally in the so-called real world having had hallucinated realities (6:42 a.m.), false awakenings and a lucid dream. It will be hard to put all this into order, but it is also a return to an earlier dream in which dream character "Edwin" helped me construct a pseudo-memory of visiting a scientist--a dream I didn't remember when I woke up, I only remember me and Edwin talking about the experience in a dream I did remember.]
[Most of this took place with me and T. oversleeping in bed as per physical reality.] I'm in bed looking at a computer screen at the foot of the bed about a software program called NuPhoto which is one of several online services where people can post their photos for their own use. The others didn't impress me, but I like this one because of the SOLID DARK GRAY BACKGROUND [the Nowhere] because it makes the lines and letters stand out. The page is covered with folder names and the names are all linked with lines like a family tree or database relational chart and the scientist from an earlier dream [which didn't click] and I'm scrolling down the screen, but this doesn't seem to be working and then I ask myself, But why should it work? I have no mouse in bed! I realize I'm not dreaming [oops] but really lying in bed with T. [true] and I reach down with my right hand and rub the top of his head [wrong position. Our heads were really at the same pillow line at the head of the bed.] I "close my eyes" and "go back to sleep".
Pretty soon T. wakes me, upset that we've overslept [FALSE AWAKENING]. He says it's 10:15 [FALSE] and "It's a special day" at school. His pajamas and his face are both printed with the same NEON LIME GREEN little symbol [the Dream Usher]. I feel bad for being the one who suggested that we don't wake him up for school [true]. I rip my sleep mask off, I say
Cmon lets' go to school, I'll take you to town right now.
I strip the heavy white blanket [the Nowhere] off of him WONDERING why she's given him this old heavy big white bedspread [all true] when he has other nice fuzzy blankets to use. We get up and I start stripping clothes off of me since I seem to have dream things wrapped around my upper back and shoulder including a kitchen towel and then a RED shirt that's J.'s and I WONDER why am I wearing her shirt in bed wrapped around my shoulders. While I'm WONDERING things, I suddenly resent the dream trip to town I'll have to make today [true--we have no dog food. And I have to go buy it since there's no school; J. won't be in town to pick some up] and I mentally whine about what the trip to town will do to my budget. Then I see T. has collapsed leaning against a pile of clean laundry that's piled high on a table to the left of the foot of the bed. He's GONE BACK TO SLEEP so I try to get him to wake up [which amounts to waking myself up. I see I had been in a false awakening and stay still to go back in, and it succeeds.]
I'm sitting at the back of a small conference room in which a certain scientist [see above two dreams] is going to be discussed. A newsprint magazine containing an article about the scientist is being passed out to everyone. I am the last one to get a copy, obviously no one knows what I'm doing here and neither do I, and I'm self-conscious about not wearing a shirt. The person passing out the magazines has a tentative QUESTIONING BODY LANGUAGE [sensed, not seen] as if WONDERING whether I'm part of the group. I flip to the page in question, page 15, and on the facing page preceding the first page of the article, I see the last page of a comic story. I think THAT'S ODD, why would there be silly comics in a science magazine?
I'm getting more and more uncomfortable about not wearing a shirt, then realize I'm uncomfortable because I'm not sitting on a chair; I'm balancing on the upright handle of a plastic dustpan with a tall handle [same as we have in real life] which just SEEMS RIDICULOUS. I stand up and this action makes me decisive and CLEARS MY MIND. I say out loud, "I DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT HERE!" and then I'm overwhelmed with the sudden realization and I exclaim, "I'm dreaming!" and I'm hit with a huge wave of euphoria and a massive sense of accomplishment.
I'm laughing and running out of the room at the same time, happy to leave this dream scene behind so I can do something real. OUT THE DOOR I go and look around. I'm in a huge WHITE TUNNEL so I say, "I'm in a mall," and a few people and shops are vaguely seen, but I realize I'm losing my lucidity. I realize I have to calm down, and start clapping my hands and stuff. But by now I'm aware of being in my bed. [I moved around and hoped to go back in, but felt obliged to go over all the details, false awakenings, etc. and it was too late to re-enter, so I got up to write it all down. I should have clapped/rubbed/shook my hands BEFORE leaving the dream scene, but was very uncomfortable in the room with those people.
The room was the Projection Room proper, the door was back through the Urumara and the mall was the Tunnel. In other Words I fulfilled the exact instructions I've been giving myself for weeks, I did my whole Intent Agenda but in the wrong order. My Intent Agenda was to 1) know who I am (become lucid), 2) look at hands, clap/rub/shake them, 3) say, "I love this place", 4) whirl to teleport, 5) to Urumara, 6) experience/see Urumara.
Instead in today's lucid dream, I 1) realized I'm dreaming, 2) want out of here, 3) run out of room laughing, 4) out through door, 5) into Tunnel/other side of Urumara, 6) remember to clap hands (should have been step 2).
[To bed, 1/2 liter of beer. Will pretend the 2-3-4 mind lives in the left side of the brain and focus on that while practicing WILD.]
[Back to bed after getting up to read, will alter WILD to the fast method which is remain still 7-10 minutes, then slowly change position to avoid discomfort. Because discomfort is more distracting than the subtle power of Vac-U-Move. "Discomfort cancels out Vac-U-Move"... everything has to balance... Metsuke...]
[Added note: thus began a month-long (so far) dry spell. I was on a huge roll and lost it by not properly analyzing what I was doing right. Which I think was this: going from dream to dream. Upon awakening, lie still and go right back in. Chaining dreams. I think this is what works for me, they call it DEILD. Everything fell apart because I didn't stick with what was working. Mar 26 --ed.]