2017-06-19 12:30 am
[No dreams recalled. Not enough sleep. Suspending all practices till website is up. Why? Or should I readjust it.]
[Went to bed, happy and excited to have finished a marathon week or two of 12-to-16-hour days furiously working on unworlding.com to get sample pages ready to show.]
[Wow! I just had my first WILD or direct unworlding and that isn't all. On top of its being my first, it had these other characteristics:
--It happened at bedtime, which is when I've so disobediently always done my most enthusiastic WILD practice sessions, only 15 minutes after lying down and maybe 10 minutes after going to sleep.
--I had done NO practices today in favor of keeping my nose to the grindstone with only breaks to take care of urgent physical needs.
--It was spontaneous in a way and direct in another way. It was indirect in that I did lapse out for several minutes. It was DILD in a way because I don't recall setting out to try for an unworlding, it just happened because I was in the perfect mindset. I woke up into it. Gradually and without a lot of fanfare.
--T.'s head was on my arm and he was breathing in my face. How's that for not being distracted? I was extremely exhausted, my eyes were literally clouding over from staring at the computer, coding, for days almost non-stop.
--I had a false awakening.
--Before that I rubbed my hands together to deepen, but stopped because my hands felt so real I was fooled, I thought they were my physical hands. But I was pinned down, my right arm had somebody's head on it. I couldn't possibly have rubbed my physical hands together, even in my sleep.
--I did rise into the air instead of following my plan of action to get on my knees and crawl out of the room. But I also remembered simultaneously to stay calm, and as a result I was able to stay unworlded a good bit longer.
--I was in a familiar place, but it was a dream place, familiar from the Big Dream [2016-08-29] wherein I met Smudgely, the neighbor's dog I had befriended, who came to me when she died and has been a dream guide ever since, dedicated to trying to get me to see dream signs and become lucid. In that first dream of her, she appeared in a highly melodramatic way outside this same rustic wooden cabin after my wife had been inside painting a piano pink to try and get me lucid. In tonight's unworlding, I thought I'd woken up and was charging around the cozy living room, in bright daylight, happy that I'd just had a short unworlding, but actually I was still unworlded. I passed a brown piano on the right, momentarily wondered whether it was really supposed to be there, and figured it was OK, why not, and kept going. Then I went back into a lucid state.
--Lucidity was unstable and fluctuating constantly, but I'm not complaining. I'm wearing my lucidity hat and I'm happy. This is by far the most interesting, longest, and most lucid unworlding I've had for many months.]
[I will try to reconstruct events in order but it won't be easy or perfect. It came on vaguely and my memory of it starting is vague since I was passed out, exhausted, asleep, but only asleep for about ten minutes or less.]
[At 8:30 pm when I had gotten into bed for a short time to put T. to sleep, I noticed that I was instantly going into Spontaneous Noticing, nothing forced about it. I assumed this was due to exhaustion, lack of sleep two nights in a row, thus REM rebound. All I had to do to see instant visions was to close my eyes, stop thinking and Notice. Fortunately I'd made tea so I forced myself out of bed to finish my coding. I wanted to quit and finish tomorrow, but worse, I wanted to finish because I plan to go to town tomorrow and wanted to feel I'd reached a milestone in my website creation project for unworlding.com, taking it to the next level. I kept using the term "milestone" in terms of the stage I'm at in my website creation. This has been a real marathon push.]
[At 11:35 pm I headed toward bed and would have been well settled by 11:40. T. rolled over on my arm and was breathing somewhat odorously 6 inches away from my face, and there was a good chance of my getting an elbow in the eye since he is a restless sleeper, but I decided not to be bothered by any distractions. I was tired and somewhat sleepy, but excited and happy about reaching my milestone, so not annoyed. As sleep-deprived as I was, I was also highly energized and definitely zinging.]
[Again I got into Spontaneous Noticing effortlessly as soon as I closed my eyes and stopped Frothing at the mental mouth. I was only mildly engaged in the Noticing, not working at it, mostly looking forward to a few hours of sleep since we get up at 5:30 a.m. to get T. to school on time. I recall lapsing a bit and then coming-to just a wee bit, enough to remind myself to try and get physically involved with the images that were coming so freely. The image was earthy dark brown and gray, abstract, something sort of folded over in a mass, but I thought to myself, without words, why not just reach out and manipulate this unnameable nothing? So I did. Then I lapsed again.]
I get the impression of warm, cozy, cottage browns. Earthy colors, grandpa's-old-recliner sort of feelings. Feelings more than images now. Body sensations, friendly, not very intense, but an urging of motion in my body, a gentle sort of floaty sensation, gentle but real at the same time. Not the profound floating I would have got if it was 4:00 a.m. and I'd gotten a lot of sleep, but the forced floating of someone who has only worked and barely slept for three days. I'm barely conscious of the fact that my body is not in the right position, my hand is no longer pinned down by T.'s head, etc. T. isn't even there, which I also don't notice. But then I can't see anything, this is a kinesthetic experience so far, and yet I'm not conscious enough to notice that I'm blind. Still aware of the color brown in some odd way [the Nowhere, and this is Smudgely's color.]
This is all vague and not sudden, but the almost-as-if-imagined bodily motion gradually focuses into an upward waft and then I do suddenly realize that I'm not imagining this, I really am rising up into the air. I feel a rush of excitement and lucidity but quickly remember to stay calm. [This whole time I am drifting around in terms of where I am on the lucidity scale. Right on the borderline of physical/non-physical, as if I had an adjustment knob and it was drifting around, due to exhaustion or something. My level of lucidity was changing constantly.]
It occurs to me that I could demand sight, but I'd rather not focus on not being able to see, and decide to trust vision to come to me in its own time. I float off horizontally, sensing that I'm several feet off the floor, not questioning that I'm in this rustic cottage [familiar from dreams; from now on I should call it Smudgely Cottage].
I think with confidence that maybe this will be the unworlding in which I can just stay unworlded as long as I want. But then I think it would be nice if I could remember what I'm supposed to do and lucidity slips back down.
I start rubbing my hands together to deepen the lucidity, but I'm shocked that this instantly puts me vertical on the floor in my real body. [False Awakening.] I stop rubbing my hands because I think that rubbing them has woken me up. [Actually it made me so lucid I couldn't believe my body wasn't physical.] I am ecstatic that I just had a direct unworlding, having risen right up out of the recliner which is in the middle of the room on my LEFT. [I don't have a recliner.] I'm walking excitedly along the right edge of the small, crowded but clean and bright living room. I see the LIGHT BROWN UPRIGHT PIANO out of the corner of my eye on the RIGHT as I pass it, and for a second I wonder if I'm dreaming, because I don't know for sure that I have a piano [and I don't, but I am a piano tuner and pianos or any musical instruments are one of my PERSONAL LUCIDITY OBJECTS.]
Lucidity and thus memory lapse again and I lose vision without realizing it or thinking about it, but once again as far as I recall, I become aware of bodily sensations amounting to slow, gentle motion or expanding sensations, as if almost aware of lying in bed but not really aware of where that bed is or of having another person sleeping practically on top of me in a dark room. Even with the lack of vision, the color brown permeates my state, a cheerful woody brownness in a bright place.
For some time I know that I am trying to carefully reinstate the unworlding experience I just had, focusing without focusing too much on the sensation of motion, trying to encourage the sensation without making too much of it in my mind. Then something picks me up and lucidity increases again as I get real vision and a much stronger sensation of motion. I am held up by the feet and dragged backwards, gently and not too fast, but a positive motion and quite lucid. [I am being gently caused to FULFILL MY PLAN OF ACTION which was to get on my knees and touch everything while crawling out of the room. This has been my Intent Agenda for months and I've made progress but never had an outside-sensed force drag me around the room before.]
I am enthralled by how real this is, lucid and loving it, unafraid. The whole floor is now covered loosely by a dirty, tattered old sheet of clear plastic, like an old dropcloth [the Nowhere] that had been left there and then collected dirt and small scraps of paper and has not been swept. [Recall that in my Big Dream in this same cottage when I met Smudgely the first time, my wife had been painting. Thus the dropcloth.]
My fingers drag along the floor, wrinkling up the plastic sheet and feeling dust under my fingertips as I'm dragged around the perimeter of the living room toward the door. Upon nearing where I sense the front door to be, I again lose lucidity and vision and where the door would be [the Urumara--going through it BACKWARDS AS PER Intent Agenda, I feel I've woken up in my bed. I remain motionless with eyes closed and still feel the steady, gentler sense of motion that had spurred all this activity to begin with. I try to nurse it back and I try forced falling asleep but as I think about the experience and wonder why the memory of it is so vague, I decide it would be better to get up and record what little of it I can describe, before that little fades. Got out of bed at 12:08 a.m. after about ten minutes of trying to re-unworld, then mulling over the details of the experience.]
2017-06-20 1:25 a.m.
[Back to bed. Excited, a little hungry, eyes wasted and wanting to close. Could type all night and if anything else happens, I'd be happy to get up and type that too. Good night and sweet dreams.]
[Really going to bed this time. Had to re-read what I'd just wrote. Don't want to take off the lucidity hat, but I'm still in the exhausted state.]